It almost made me cry

Anyone that knows me knows I love movies. I even have this uncanny ability to find something worthwhile in most bad movies. Chick flicks. Action. Drama. Documentaries. Children’s movies. Westerns. Musicals.

I love them all.

I’m not the guy that can recite movie lines or remember all the characters or actors but I can always tell you how a movie made me feel.

I’ve only walked out of one movie in my life. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Absolute crap.

This evening, after my wife left for work, the kids and I turned on the movie Bolt. None of us had seen it before and the day had been particularly full so this was a good opportunity to wind down before bedtime.

18a2-Bolt and Penny

Bolt is a good movie. It kept the two and a half year old entertained and the four year old was completely into the story. At one point near the end of the movie, while a sad scene was playing out, Ava, our four year old daughter, turned to me and said, “Daddy, I think this movie is going to make me cry.”

I was a little blown away and a whole lot proud. Proud of the fact that a four year old child, my four year old child, can become so enthralled in a story that it touches her emotionally. We must be doing something right.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m making more of this than it is. Maybe I’m not. Either way, it almost made me cry.

A monolith of slight proportions

branchpile

The tree had been dead for quite some time I imagine. Maybe longer than the five years we’ve lived in this house. Its trunk decayed to the point where I may have simply stomped the remains into the ground.

Life has been interesting lately. Troubling. Worrisome. The uncertainty of the United States economy is largely to blame as is the state of war and prosecution. This evening I made a run to the local ice cream spot to pick up a couple of banana splits for the girls, their mother and I to share. I had NPR on the radio and as I made the five minute trip back home the story being relayed was of a village in the Congo that had all but six members of their community murdered. Viciously murdered. The women and girls had been raped and killed and the men and boys were forced into a kneeling position with their head on the ground as their attackers kicked in their skulls to the point their brains were spilling onto the ground. In the bushes one of the six survivors watched, unable to take his eyes from the scene as these events were unleashed upon his family. His elders. His wife. His children.

It wasn’t a small tree but not too big either. Its circumference likely in the sixteen to eighteen inch neighborhood. I found myself glancing at it occasionally as I moved through the woods alongside our property collecting limbs and other branches that had fallen through the course of the winter. My plan is to create some paths in these woods for the girls to have their nature walks as soon as the days are warmer longer. First things first, all these fallen branches and trees would have to be cleared away.

The weeks of late have been ridiculously long in the office. The position I’m in requires me to see each and every termination request issued throughout the company. There have been so many. I know the times have dictated much of this, or rather brought it to light. I like to think we, those employed by companies in the United States, will come out of this stronger. As individuals we may take less for granted. We might learn again those principles that our parents and grandparents knew. That an honest days work should equal an honest days pay. That skating through a job and never adding any value means you won’t last long. That running lean is more than the result of a gym membership.

This wooded area is largely cleared now. Several mounds of dead wood the evidence of the time spent clearing this small section of land. If I had to guess I’d say this cleared area is some 50 yards long by 30 yards wide. It’s a small start but a start nonetheless. All that remains in this space is that one big tree. As I mentioned, I could likely stomp it into the ground. Turn it all into mulch and be done with it. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I think it’s the resulting noise that’s so unappealing. Instead I plan on picking up as much as I can. Hoping to keep it in one piece and place it atop the closest pile.

We, my wife and I, do as much as we can to shield our children from the concerns that surround us. The small children that is. For the older two the concerns are theirs just as much as they are ours. With one entering college in the fall and the other high school, they are very aware of where we are as a nation. We talk about what things may look like when the worst is behind us and how important it is for us learn from this. We discuss how living within ones means does not have to mean living without. We are careful to weigh with them the wants of the world versus the needs of the individual. The needs of our family.

Getting underneath the tree was the difficult part. It required rolling it back and forth a few times until I could find a place close to the middle that wasn’t so tender it would collapse upon lifting. I bent my knees and worked my hands underneath the tree, feeling the cold wet leaves and dirt work between my fingers. While I slowly stood, measuring with my arms the weight of the tree on either side, I heard the patio door slide open.

The tree was a little heavier than I thought though not more than I could handle. As I began walking toward one of my man made monoliths of slight proportions I could hear the footsteps of a quickly approaching child. This was shortly followed by the sweet sound of a four year old girl exclaiming, “Daddy! You are the strongest Dad ever!”.

I smiled. In this moment I believed it. I was the strongest Dad ever.

God bless perspective.

Is “Torquemada” your middle name?

You know that one device that is meant to keep your child safe in a car accident? Yes, the car safety seat. Did you know it doubles as a device of torture? How many times have you buckled your child in only to hear that incessant crying and screaming all the way to your destination? Not too many, I hope!

Pay close attention to your child’s growth. Children almost double in size every year for the first few years of their life. The car safety seat manufacturers know this and have made allowances for this growth by having multiple shoulder belt slots all the way up the back of the car safety seat. It us up to us, dear parents, to know which slots to use at which stage of the child’s life. Once you seat your child in the car seat look at the shoulder belts. Do they disappear below and behind the shoulder? This means you need to move the belts up to the next slot you big meanie. If the shoulder slots being used are lower than the shoulders then by clicking the seat belts into the buckle you are using the slots as leverage to pull the shoulders down forcefully, compressing the child’s torso, and making it hard for the child to breathe, hence my equating it to torture. The child has to endure this restrictive, “breathtaking” pose for the length of the car ride. If the last slot available is still below the child’s shoulders, then get a bigger car seat. Your child has outgrown the seat.

Another thing to take into account is the weather.

  • WINTER: Chances are good that your child is bundled up, effectively making him/her “bigger”. Again, check the shoulder level and adjust the straps accordingly.
  • SUMMER: Your child is probably wearing shorts and a T-shirt. This means that their inner thighs are exposed to the searing plastic and metal safety seat buckle between their legs. Places like Arizona can get up to, and above, 110 degrees F, and ever hotter inside a parked vehicle. Hold the portion of the buckle that will be in contact with your child’s thighs. You’ll be able to tell if the buckle is too hot, but “you” have the ability to pull your hand away from the pain. Your child has no choice but to endure the pain. Cool the buckle down with a damp cloth before putting your child in the seat.

clampBinderClip Most people have great difficulty pulling the car seat in and out of the car to be able, or want, to continuously fiddle with the shoulder straps, or move the seat from one car to another. We own 3 vehicles, and 2 car seats. Every time I decide to use my truck, and have to take my daughter to day care, I have to pull the car seat out of one of the other vehicles and install it in the truck. I have shaved some time off this procedure by having a plastic clamp in the vehicle (a large binder clip would do the trick too). I pull my truck’s seatbelt out as far as it will go, then attach the clamp to the car’s seatbelt right before the shoulder swivel. The clamp keeps the belt from yanking itself back, thereby making it easier for me to fiddle with getting the correct tension on the portion of the belt that goes through the child’s safety seat.

 
That completes my public service announcement. If I’ve made you stop to think about your child’s car seat and, at least, check the straps for the correct shoulder height then I’ve done some good being an advocate for those who still can’t speak for themselves.

Oldie but Goodie

Like all past winters this one was no different. It snowed. It thawed. It froze. To add to all the things I don’t like about winter the snow plow drivers can be real jerks. I do my best to clear my driveway, and on the street 30 feet in either direction. My hope is that Mr. Plow will see that I’m trying to keep plowed snow from piling up in my freshly cleared driveway. But NO. They take it as an invitation to pile the ice, chunks of asphalt, slush and snow on my newly visible blacktop. When this happens I give up, lock in my 4 wheel drive and drive over the snow pile on my driveway for a few days and when my wife’s car can no longer climb the man made embankment I break out the shovel, ice breakers, and my filthy mouth and spend 2-3 hours busting up the mess, all the while cursing Mr. Plow and his infernal machine.

While my daughter was visiting last Christmas the scene I mentioned above played out once more, like a bad version of the movie “Groundhog Day”. So I geared up, told my wife and my kids that I would be outside, hoping that someone (namely my kids) would take pity on me and help. My daughter took the bait and we were out there for half the time it normally takes me. Because she was out there I held my tongue and didn’t curse the plow, and all was well. We had dinner watched Christmas movies and went to bed.

In the morning we all gathered for breakfast. My daughter was noticeably missing so I went to her room to call her down. She was weepy, groggy and didn’t feel well so we tried asking her what she was feeling, but she could not say (She does not explain herself well.). All she could say was that she wanted to die, and that she felt horrible, and that she felt dead inside (drama, drama, drama). It took me a little while to realize that she was achy from the workout from the snow shoveling.

spinachMy daughter, an extremely active 16 year old cheerleader, who does Pilates and Yoga daily, is about 11 percent body fat, and fit as a fiddle, had been beaten down by a few clumps of soggy snowflakes. I gave her some Tylenol and kicked her out of bed and made her eat breakfast. She was fine after that. We all chided her for the rest of the day about the “I feel dead inside” quote. and had some laughs.
If this overweight, paunchy, high cholesterol havin’, balding old man can haul his butt out of bed in the morning after shoveling some snow the day before there is no way on this earth I’m going to feel sorry for someone less than half my age who can’t.

The Tooth Fairy Cometh

My son lost a tooth at school the other day. He has been so excited about the prospect of losing this tooth because he is saving up to buy a Wii and this pearly white will get him several steps closer to his goal. He excitedly told all his classmates about it and wouldn’t you know it, one of his know it all classmates told him that there was no such thing as “The Tooth Fairy”. What a kill joy.

mouse Just a little bit of trivial information, we didn’t have a “Tooth Fairy” growing up; being of Spanish descent we had “Ratoncito Pérez” (The little Mouse Perez). He didn’t have wings or a wand, but his tooth to coin exchange policy was exactly the same. My father, who didn’t like cutesy names re-dubbed him “Perez the Rat”, which tarnished the mystique somewhat, but I digress.

So my son came home at the end of the school day and recounted the story of how he lost his tooth to his mom. Apparently he was chewing gum when the tooth came loose and it got wrapped in the gum. Mommy asked to take a look at his tooth and found black marks in the root of the tooth and was really worried that he had a really bad cavity. My son alleviated her fears and told her that a bit of gum got stuck in the crevasses of the tooth’s root and  he took it upon himself to clean it out with the only sharp object he was allowed to use at school…..a freshly sharpened pencil. Needless to say the graphite  took the place of the gum and the rest is history.

Mom decided to have a little fun at son’s expense and said “But Honey, the Tooth Fairy does not pay for teeth with cavities. I don’t know if she’ll even accept that one because it looks like a cavity.” (I know, I know. That was just mean). Minutes later my wife found my son in the bathroom, brushing the graphite off his tooth.

I swear, kids are just way too funny.

Falling stars

We’ve had a recurring issue in our house the past couple weeks and it involves a perceived shortage in underpants. Let me explain.

Ava, the four year old, has taken to changing her undies several times a day. She’s been potty trained for a good year now and she hasn’t been having accidents. The best we can figure is she likes to feel “fresh”. I believe she thinks she MAY be having an accident but upon investigation there never is one. It doesn’t matter how many times we tell her she doesn’t need to change, she just doesn’t believe it. We expect this is mostly just attention seeking behavior. Between the baby and the two year old being potty trained Ava occasionally feels the need to act out. Some battles you just choose to fight later.

As I mentioned, we’ve been living with this odd behavior for a few weeks. Last night things got interesting. When it came time to change into pajamas it turned out Ava didn’t have any more undies left in her drawer. So, she opted to wear one of her sisters pull-ups instead. Yeah, I shook my head at that one too.

We wound down the remainder of the evening and marched the kids back upstairs for bed. Once Ava was back in her room she again insisted she needed to change. We explained to her there was nothing to change into and it was either the pull-up or sans undies. Her choice. Well, in typical four year old fashion it turns out there was another choice after all. She asked to wear her sisters undies instead. Her two year old sister. My wife and I were tired of arguing with her at this point and let her pick a pair which she quickly threw on and proclaimed them to be “comfy”. Fine. Good. Get in bed.

As she nestled in her bed and I pulled the covers over her she started to complain again.

Ava: These undies are too tight

Dad: Well what did you expect?

Ava: They’re toooo tight

Dad: Do you know why they’re tight?

Ava: No

Dad: Because they were made for a TWO YEAR OLD
at this point my wife is trying to hold back giggling

Dad: What do you suggest we do about this?

Ava: Get more undies?

Dad: Your undies are all in the washing machine and I’m not going to the store to get you more. You wear what you have on, put back on the pull-up or go without. What’s it going to be?

Ava: The pull-up
in the smallest voice you can imagine

We have those glow in the dark stars on the ceiling of the girls room. Just as the covers were being pulled back over Ava one of them let loose and fell on the pillow right next to her. I quickly deduced a “wish” would be a nice way to close out the evening. I told her, “Hey! look at that. You get to make a wish.”

Ava: I wish I had more undies

fallingstars2

I feel someone staring at me at 5 AM. Ava is standing there and upon opening my eyes she says, “pleeeaaassseee Daddy can you see if there are more undies in the dryer now?”

I did. There were. She changed and slept for another hour and a half, in our bed. I, on the other hand, couldn’t fall back to sleep.

Ugh. If only everyone I came in contact with were this focused.

A letter of intent

My son signed his NCAA Letter of Intent today. He’ll definitely be playing football at the Division II college of his choice in the fall.

It happened at his high school just as lunch was beginning. The athletic director brought a couple of chairs from his office and set them behind an old folding table. Students filled the cafeteria. Most of them were there to eat but a few of his friends held off on lunch long enough to congratulate the boy and one of his friends who was also signing today.

They did the whole college signing thing as the two families took pictures. At one point they put on the baseball cap of the college they will be attending in the fall. My son had a nice smile on his face the whole time. It was really great to just watch him. To fade into the background and observe the teachers offering congratulations as they passed by. To see the teammates smack him on the back or work themselves into a picture or two.

intent

He’s planning on leaving for college in June. Apparently only the hardcore “dogs” start training early and he is expected to start his freshman year. Gratefully he’s only going to be a couple of hours from home. Far enough away for him to do his own thing but not so far that I can’t help him in a moments notice. Being close makes me happy. Leaving early, not so much but these are for mostly selfish reasons and what isn’t selfish is grounded in worry. Such is a fathers life.


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If you’re feeling grumpy …

… well, that’s ok.

We go through these phases in our home when songs are king. Just the other day my wife was picking up Ava from Pre-school when the teacher pulled her aside. Never a good sign.

Teacher: Do you know that Ava sings a lot?

Wife: Yes. She sings all the time.

Teacher: Today Ava was singing more of what she had to say than actually saying it.

Wife: Yes, that’s normal too. She and her Dad will have whole days where they don’t really talk to each other. Everything will be in song.

Teacher: Oh. Ok

It’s true. I use this tactic as much for an ornery 4 year old as I do to lighten my own mood. When she decides to be a bit difficult I’ll just start singing my demands to her and she can’t help but be disarmed. Feel free to use this yourself. The ability to carry a tune is entirely optional.

The following is a great standby for those days when everyone is feeling just a bit grumpy.