“Dad, what’s a Dike!?”
My wife and I almost spewed dinner across from each other.
About 3 minutes later, while wiping the tears from my eyes, and through high pitched giggles and snorts(from me) I finally asked: “Why do you ask son?”
At this point I thought the worst and was expecting some story about a classmate who called another classmate a bad name, or some such story.
“Well, today at school I heard a story about a little boy who stuck his finger in a di….”
(More uncontrollable peals of laughter)
A few minutes later: “What’s so funny Dad?”
“Oh, nothing Son (*snort, coughing up chunks of Broccoli, more tears).”
History:
Quite a few years ago one of the jokes in my repertoire went like this:
“Did you hear about the little boy who stuck his finger in the dike? She kicked his @$$!”
I told it so often that my wife used to groan every time I started telling the joke to somebody. Little did I know these very words would cross my son’s lips one day and conjure up some pretty funny images and memories from my past.
Please note that I try to be careful about words I use around my kids. I’m human, and there are the occasional slip ups with some “bad” words, but I don’t use derogatory words like this.
There are times when something hits you in the funnybone just right. Crass language is something I usually don’t post, but this was just too funny not to share.
In my house we have a saying; “The only monster in this house is Daddy!” I created this little mnemonic to make sure my kids are not afraid of the darkness, or of things that go “bump” in the night.
The service started and we all stood up. The little girl’s attention was quickly drawn to a fuzzy piece of fluff that floated near her face. As she clawed and reached for the fluff she created invisible eddies of wind causing the fluff to dance around wildly, thwarting her every attempt at catching it.
At 5 months old Daughter#2 just recently graduated to solid foods, and HOLY COW can she put it away!. This little girl not only has 2 hollow legs, but pretty much every appendage is hollow. I guess she gets that from me. 
From the day they left the pet store to today each time the girl has been asked what she wants for Christmas the answer is a guinea pig. It was very clear that I was in real trouble and needed some way out of this without being the bad guy. You see, I have no desire whatsoever to have a guinea pig in the house. They are a rodent like any other as far as I’m concerned.
A day or two pass and mom and the girl are writing a card to Santa. All the card says is, Santa please bring me a guinea pig. The card is decorated with stickers and lots of love and sent on its way to Santa’s village. I choose to ignore this little event until days later when the visit with Santa is upon us.
