Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

I’m not sure where the D is for Dad site is going. The posting frequency has definitely dropped and dare I say the quality as well. This isn’t a farewell post but instead maybe a “please bear with me” post.

I think we came out of the gates pretty strong back in September of last year. In retrospect this was a good time to start this thing with fall settling in and everyone with a little more time on their hands as the winter slumber rolled casually in. With spring behind us and summer enveloping us it seems time is at a premium these days (not that it isn’t always, but you know what I mean).

I didn’t start this thing to make money (look ma! No ad’s) or even to find thousands of subscribers. The intention was to share our perspective in a way that might lend to the conversation around being dad. If the site was “discovered” and we could put together some quality stuff then great. Truth be told we put this stuff together for the one guy that isn’t comfortable commenting on a site and can find a bit of silent camaraderie from a few guys that have been there and are still there.

It is relatively easy to throw in a fluff or funny post or two to carry the load but that isn’t what I want this space to become. We know, and have experienced, too much to treat this space from the perspective of complacency. I came into this knowing it would be work.

I don’t do things half way, at least not intentionally. D is for Dad is beginning to feel half baked. Please don’t think I’m being too hard on myself. I’m not. I am my own worst critic. I know this and it has served me well thus far.

With all that said, if you have managed to stay subscribed while we struggle to fill the empty spaces it is definitely appreciated. I just ask that you don’t give up on us quite yet and in return I will promise to do the same.

We’ll get things together soon. – Chuck

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I’d something more to say.

- Pink Floyd

Recently, the little baby learned how to make smooching noises, not unlike the noise of kisses. She has learned that making these noises makes the silly big humans pick her up and cuddle and fuss over her.

A few weeks ago I succumbed to a con worthy of any 3 card Monty, or shell game shyster, on a seedy Las Vegas street corner. Needing both my hands free to do a chore I set my daughter down on the carpet surrounded by her toys. As I walked away she let me know in no nonsense screeching that she did not approve. I kept walking away, knowing it would stop eventually. Sure enough, it did. What I did not expect was the staccato of kissy sounds that broke the silence. I turned around, let out a sigh, and shuffled back to pick her up. I did the rest of the chores one handed…..a beaten man.

As I set here on a Friday evening I’ve come to the realization that my three year old daughter has taught me more about how to communicate with an executive than anyone or anything else.

• A three year old never hears you the first time you say something. The same is true of the executive.
• When the three year old finally does hear you it doesn’t mean they were listening. Yeah, another executive match.
• When you finally get the three year olds attention it is best to anticipate the questions and answer them before they are asked. What do you know? The executive behaves the same way.There is one key difference here that many rookies don’t pick up on until too late. The three year old is often logical in their line of questioning as long as you can keep them based in reality. The executive? Not so much. It seems that once the executive level is reached so is a reality perspective that is wholly their own. Some call this “vision”, some days it is closer to “illusion”.

My daughter has taught me to never leave any conversation or statement open ended. Something as simple as, “It’s time to brush your teeth.” can lead to some long discussions right before bed time.

Girl: What time is it?

Me: It’s 8:00 at night kiddo, bedtime.

Girl: So is it bedtime or brushing teeth time?

Me: First you have to brush your teeth, and then you go to bed.

Girl: But you said 8:00 is bedtime

Me: It is, but…

Girl: Then I can brush my teeth tomorrow?

Me: You’ll brush your teeth tomorrow too but you need to brush them now. Before bed.

Girl: Oh. OK

Girl: What time is it now? (after teeth are brushed)

Me: It’s 8:15

Girl: hmmm. I missed bedtime. I think Backyardigans is still on!

Me: Um no. Get in your room.

I need to update my resume. Just in case. If I ever have to remind an executive to brush their teeth I might just lose it.

I think many of them just figured we’d get divorced at some point, everyone was doing it. I really hope she was strongly discouraged from marrying to be honest because if she wasn’t and they believed we wouldn’t make it what does that say about them, but I digress.

My family life had been riddled with divorce from childhood and hers was no better. We talked about this quite a bit early on and even do today. We have always been conscious of breaking this generations old cycle from the beginning and this goal hasn’t changed.

These ten years haven’t been easy and I have no qualms in saying that lesser people would not have made it. This doesn’t necessarily mean we are better than anyone else but it does mean that together we can weather whatever is thrown at us. We have proven this to ourselves and others time and time again.

We both come from humble beginnings and recognize the fact that we have never asked anyone for anything (this is easier to do when people don’t offer you anything). We were not the kids getting new cars as graduation gifts or having school paid for by parents that could plan for the future. We’ve never been given grand gifts or had our home furnished by in-laws. We do it ourselves or it doesn’t get done. It takes a little longer, this road we walk, but we tend to find the road less ridden with potholes and when we look back the road is truly ours. No one else has taken up residence along the way.

To the contrary, we give as often as we can and in every circumstance we can. I’ll be the first to admit that most of this generosity comes from my wife. She has a heart that is as big and strong as anything you can imagine. She puts herself into some pretty undesirable situations just so she can help. She never says no, even when I ask her to. I, on the other hand, take a much harder line. I’m not about enabling people. I believe pain and loss builds character. While these things may not sound terrible, and possibly even logical to many of you, my core being would allow them to pass to a fault. This is where we balance one another the most I believe.

We didn’t do much to celebrate our anniversary, not compared to what tradition dictates. We simply spent the day together. We actually had two complete meals without children. We took a long walk in the woods while holding hands. We visited some art galleries and even bought a couple of pieces to hang in the house. We painted some pottery and thought about what the next ten years will bring. We didn’t exchange gifts. We rarely do.

This post could go on and on. It is best to end it by saying how much I still love my wife today and how this is so much more than the day we declared our love for one another (though I would not have though it possible to love her more back then). She is my better half. There is absolutely no doubt about that.

Maybe in another post I’ll share how these kids of ours have changed our life but for today it is about us, and only us.

This is the song we chose to play during our wedding ceremony. It is more true today than ever before.

ZAC is the first web browser developed specifically for children with autism, and autism spectrum disorders such as Asperger syndrome, pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and PDD-NOS. We have made this browser for the children - for their enjoyment, enrichment, and freedom. Children touch it, use it, play it, interact with it, and experience independence through ZAC.

The creators of ZacBrowser first created Kidz CD, a free browser for children and teens. When they learned their grandson, who was diagnosed with severe autism in 2005, was able to use and enjoy the browser they created another version designed around the needs of children diagnosed with autism and autistic spectrum disorders. The ZacBrowser was born.

ZAC is the zone that will permit your child to interact directly with games (a LOT of games) and activities (focused on MANY interests) that cater specifically to kids who display the characteristics of autism spectrum disorders, like impairments in social interaction, impairments in communication, restricted interests and repetitive behavior. ZAC has been an effective tool for kids with low, medium and high functioning autism.

You can download an installer of the ZacBrowser or an executable that can be run as is without a full blown installation. I’ve tested it on Windows Vista and Windows XP and it installed without incident. Once ZacBrowser is launched it fills the entire screen and what is displayed is a mesmerizing user interface.

The initial interface loads a very calming aquarium scene. The menu along the bottom of the screen is done in classic macintosh style and presents easy links to Aquarium, Television, Games, Music and Stories. Each section displays a different skin with links to the associated content. In my testing, videos, music or stories were played without a hitch. One video link led to the Disney site (wrapped in the ZacBrowser interface) and I was concerned this may be a jumping off point to other places online. It seems the developers thought of this as each attempt to do anything other than play the selected video was met with no results.

All in all this seems like a solid piece of software created with absolutely the best of intentions. In addition to the ZacBrowser they are also hosting a support ZacBrowser forum for parents to reach out to one another and share trials and successes.

(Parents) We know that your job here is challenging and that you meet the responsibilities of each day as a special kind of hero - especially to your autistic child! Because we share your circumstance as parents (or Grandparents) of a special needs child, we have developed a place especially for you so that you can share your unique experiences with other parents and grandparents. This is the best place to connect with others whose lives are touched by autism. You will benefit from their experiences, their stories, their tips, tricks, tools and triumphs - and they will learn from yours. All of this is essential because your child is so much more than any medical journal can possibly describe, and we all need more information than we can get from our doctors.

If you would like to spread the word about this great piece of software please use the ShareThis link below to Stumble it, Digg it, send a link in an email. Whatever your preference.