I feel bad for her. Since Tessa arrived her world has turned upside down.
Ava is as full of life and imagination and wonder as you would expect a four year old child to be. She sings through most of her day and dances through the remainder. Her mind and mouth constantly moving as she weaves tales that Walt Disney himself would find engaging. While all of this continues to be true there is now something else. Something like confusion mixed with a bit of displacement I think.
I know this is normal. I know when a child is introduced into the family the older kids struggle with the change in attention and routine. The whole house works through a period of adjustment as we work to understand the puzzle we thought had been put together was really missing a piece. A piece that makes all the others fit that much more tightly.
Knowing the normalcy of all this doesn’t do much to lessen the pain I feel for Ava as she works through this new tightness. She has been doing more of the baby-talk lately. There have been some near misses as she dashes to the restroom. Evenings have become restless and on approximately twelve thousand four hundred and nine occasions she has ended up in bed with my wife and I just so we all could get some sleep. It’s just a season, we keep telling ourselves. Just a season.
You might think with her world having been shaken so much she would feel some animosity toward Tessa. None. Not one iota.
If Tessa’s arrival wasn’t enough we have been potty training Jada, the 2 year old, for the last few weeks. While Jada has done an awesome job of this, and hasn’t had an accident for more than a week, it’s been another thing to draw attention away from Ava. Interestingly, Jada hasn’t had issue with the adjustments around Tessa’s arrival. Such is the blissful life of a two year old.
I can’t stand to see my children struggle and if I can fix it I will. I’m going to work on spending more one on one time with Ava and Jada. I plan on setting aside an evening a week for each of them where we can just talk, play, create, read and laugh. It’ll probably just be an hour or so after dinner and before bedtime but I’m hoping it’ll help. I’m confident we’ll find ourselves on the other side of this in pretty short order.
Chuck – This is another great example of your being a really in-touch, hands-on dad. Your children will no doubt be grow up all the more well-adjusted because of it. You’re right in saying it’s a season and it too shall pass, and I think you’re taking the right tack in just giving Ava, particularly, a little more attention. Just don’t worry too much about trying to fix a struggle; I know it’s tempting as a dad to do that. The struggles will come and go; your being there to help her through and give her reassurance and comfort will make the difference.
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Chuck,
I remember when our third was born. Both boys were so taken with her, but they also felt like the structure they knew had been altered overnight. My five year old was two then, and he just needed extra care. I remember spending lots of cuddle time or saying out loud to the baby “You’ll have to wait. I’m taking care of your brother now.” (She would just sit there and drool and coo. I knew she couldn’t understand what I was saying, but I also knew that my son needed to hear that there were times he came first.)
I am so impressed with the way you are expressing the needs Ava and Jada are having. But more than that, I am impressed with the way you are responding. Your family is so lucky to have a Dad who is paying attention and willing to give the time it takes to help them feel secure.
Julia at Midwest Moms´s last blog post..Itchy and Scratchy? Solutions for Winter Dry Skin
That’s awesome that you recognize the need to give extra attention. That says a lot about you as a dad, and those extra moments will be great memories for your girls.
Tara R.´s last blog post..Thursdays with memes
As has been said, you spotted this and picked up on it really early.
All those girls will come through this just fine with that sharp eye on them.
Nice one.
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog post..Short term memory long term damage
Man, that has got to be tough. I only have one kid who I spend 90% of my time with when at home. I’m pretty sure he will not adjust well when it is only 40% of my time.
Jared´s last blog post..Battery Overload
ah that life balance thingy again.
it’s so hard isn’t it when you want to give each one of them everything and there’s just not enough space and time.
i have two and they go flip flop like a yo-yo between being the best of friends and ready to pull each other’s hair out. i hope you all find your rhythm.
ah life, a series of continuous adjustments!
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Sounds like you are managing well and have it all under control.
WeaselMomma´s last blog post..Today’s Agenda
Balance, Grasshopper! Balance.
Tears your heart out doesn’t it?
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As a father of four kids, I can relate to the struggles you are going through. Bringing another child home is such a significant change, regardless of how much we do as fathers to prepare the rest of the little ones.
I applaud you for recognizing the source of the tension underneath the events. It takes a keen eye to be a dad, and it’s easy to let things slide by without catching the significance.
Hang in there . . .
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When my youngest was born, we went through the same thing with my oldest. It is awesome that you have recognized this and are setting aside one on one time. So important! (:
When my son was born, my daughter was 3 1/2. We included her in everything we did with him, which gave her a sense of pride and connected her to him. Someone also told me that I should always refer to him as “your brother” too. She adored him! Now that they’re six and 10…not so much. But back then, things were great!