I’ve started writing posts for this site a dozen times in the past week or so and have not been able to finish one of them. I’d like to finish them. Really I would, but everything seems to take either time or money and this particular task is requiring more time than I have, or am willing to give. I’m going to give this post a shot though. We’ll just run with it for a good 15 minutes and see where it takes us.
I’ve been feeling a ton of weight lately to really focus on being the Dad I want to be. The Dad my wife expects me to be. The Dad my children need me to be. I imagine having a newborn in the house is what supercharged this. This fragile little girl looking to us for care, comfort and love shakes me to my core.
I look at Tessa’s sisters, Ava and Jada, and while they are still very young the evidence of how quickly the past several years has rushed by is displayed in their words, actions and hearts. I look past the little girls to their older sister and brother and marvel at the people they have become. A teenage girl that has thankfully not turned into one of those teens I can’t stand and a young man that has paved his own way toward the next season in his life when he will be starting college on a full ride athletic scholarship in the fall. Full ride athletic scholarship. I always knew he was THAT good.
There is simply this colliding of emotions and paths right now and its difficult to stay focused on any one thing for fear of missing something else, and they’re all good things. All good things. I believe that part of the weight to be Dad comes from a feeling that somehow I don’t deserve for things to be going as well as they are. That somehow I need to earn it, again and again. Five children. All happy. All healthy. The odds just seem to be against this. I’m grateful for what I have in my family every single day. Every single day.
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I run through my reader when I can and a post on Daddy Brain caught my attention. It featured the following video which speaks 100% to where I am these days, the passion I wish I knew how to push forward, outward, upward. I need this feeling to be contagious.
Dude to Dad (Changing More Than Just Diapers) feat.
Hugh Weber at Dude to Dad put the video together. If you have it in you, click on through to YouTube and leave a note. I’m sure he’d appreciate it.
Wow, a full scholarship. That’s fantastic.
I think it is a wonderful thing that you feel drawn to be better at the *life* part of your life. Being a Daddy is the core of that, isn’t it?
My husband and I talk about being better parents all the time. Sometimes, you just take it day by day and do the best you can. We are blessed with three, and so far they are whole and healthy. I will not take that for granted.
My sister lost her youngest at age 7, my brother in law’s only son. Even now, three years later, they look at my boys and I see pain behind their eyes, even when there are smiles on their faces.
It’s tough to believe how much our children are a part of who we are — just as much as we, their parents, are a part of them.
Even if you don’t write as much in the coming year, I wish you all the best. I’ll be sure to check back, and you be sure to give all the time you can to your wonderful family.
All the best, MM
Midwest Mom´s last blog post..Snow War Games
You have an awful lot to be proud of.
Enjoy it.
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog post..He’s alive!
You are a blessing. Thank you for sharing this.
@Midwest Mom – Thanks for the thoughtful comment.. It is great to hear that you all are doing well family is at the center. I cannot imagine the loss your sister feels. I’ve always believed the worst thing that could ever happen to me would be to outlive any of my children. I’ll continue to write here. I really do enjoy it and you fine folks are a large part of that. All the best to you.
@Xbox4NappyRash – Yes I do, and yes I will. Thanks for commenting xBox.
@Debbie Davis – So kind, as are you Debbie.
Sometimes it’s enough to just sit back and think ‘wow, this has been a great ride. Can’t wait to see what happens next!’ Congrats to your son on his scholarship, *yay* for him and *whew!* for you. Paying for college was a biggy for us, and when our daughter got her scholarship, it was a huge burden lifted. That he is paving his own way is awesome. All of your girls, big and little, are gorgeous and will no doubt be endless sources of pride for you and your wife.
Tara R.´s last blog post..Tying up loose ends…
I am so happy for you that they are all good things. You deserve it! Your family deserves it too!
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@Tara R. – We were absolutely relieved when the offer for the scholarship came through. It really made all the difference. I’ve no doubt you’re right. My children will be a source of pride forever I hope. I mean, geez, I have 5. The odds of all of them dissapointing me at once have got to be pretty low. Right?
@Momo Fali – Thanks Momo. I’m just gonna relish the present for the moment.
I totally get where you’re coming from, for what its worth. And I also totally agree with Tara’s comment. Whenever I get to that point, its a lot easier to just let life take you along with it for a while. At the end of the day, we REALLY don’t have that much control over things. We just have to be the best we can and enjoy the view. You’ve got yourself a beautiful family, man. Enjoy it.
Chuck – you’re doing great. You’re an example to follow, and I love hearing what you have to say about your kids and how things are going, even if there isn’t “much to say” – because it still says a lot. Thanks for passing that great video along. I’m going to check Hugh’s site now.
Tom´s last blog post..Which planet are we on, again?
Sometimes one stumble on the site a total stranger and feel compeled to post a reply. I smile reading your post. First I enjoyed the pictures of your family but what made me smile is that it is so clear, so evident that you probably the dad that you should be or the dad that your wife wants you be even if she does not know it.
The fact that you question all that indicates that you are all that you can be.
Best to your family.
viv
your posts always inspire me.
i think you might need to take a moment to say to yourself, wow, heck of a job well done so far. must be doing something right.
and seriously don’t know how you do it.
congratulations on all your blessings, big and small!
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