I’ve been off work since December 10th, the day Tessa was born, and won’t be returning to the office until January 5th. A nice break from the daily grind to be sure but more importantly it has been an awesome opportunity to reconnect with my family during those normal awake hours. You know the hours I’m referring to right? Those that occur between the moment you say your goodbye’s as you leave for work and the time you come home for dinner. It turns out a lot of good stuff happens in those hours.
The message I’d like to share, in a nutshell, is to not take for granted those times you get with your family when they are at their peak.
It seems that every single time I get a nice stretch away from the office I come to this realization after a few days. This time it came while sitting down to dinner. It crashed down on me how this dinner time space normally plays out with me tired from a full day at work, my wife tired from a full day of being Mom and the kids tired because they run a million miles a minute all day long. This day though was different, sure we were all still tired from a full day but the difference is we were tired from shared experiences. Experiences that had plenty of laughter, good times and productivity.
Various evenings, on a normal day, looking into our home may find me getting frustrated with the kids because they aren’t listening, aren’t behaving, aren’t eating dinner, aren’t, aren’t, aren’t. My wife has told me for quite some time that this is their “bad time of the day”. Great, I would think, their bad time gets to be the only time I’m around to enjoy them. How is this fair.
My wife is a very wise woman and she was right in this case as well. What was wrong is how I chose to react to it. I began to expect it. And what happens when you expect things to be rotten? They often are rotten, and worse yet you do little to try and change it figuring it’s a forgone conclusion.
This isn’t to say that I haven’t gotten better as time has rolled on. I believe I have. Having the benefit of hindsight, I wonder if I had been told earlier on, even before marriage and children, that it is ‘vitally important to claim every moment with your family as your own’ if I would today be stumbling in and out of this realization like I’m rehearsing for a bit part in a remake of Groundhog Day. I’m thinking not. I’m thinking this is something you either get as you journey through fatherhood, or not.
I’m just grateful I do get it even if I lose it on occasion. I’m especially grateful that I’ve recognized this now, again, during the holidays. It would be an absolute shame to be stumbling around now, taking bits of the holiday magic each time my footing is lost.
Claim it as your own.
I’m lucky for (at least for now) being able to be around my baby all day. On the other hand, for some reason he’s at his best behavior in the evening, when his mother comes home. I probably should be happy for her. Okay, I am.
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My peeps and I are taking a week off after Christmas for a little vacation too. I’m looking forward to this time with them. My oldest is away at college, and my baby is hip deep in high school. With work and classes, we all need this break.
I hope you enjoy every last second of your reconnect with your family.
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Chuck, you make a great point that I am very glad to hear: you get it, but you do lose it on occasion. This is heartening to know, because I get it from time to time – and then lose it for a while. It’s hard to keep a grip on, but it’s a vitally important piece of fathering, to claim your family as your own, as it comes, in all circumstances, and to learn how to navigate effectively through all of them. Great post.
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So well written. Wonderful. The meaning of family shines in this post.
I feel the same way. My husband’s first day off (until Jan 5 also) was friday, and Saturday felt like such a full day for us because we were able to spend it all together. By the end of the night, we looked at each other and said, “Wow! Is it still today?” It was great. Then, yesterday, we had his parents over for dinner and a few games of pinochle, and the children were in their jammies playing card games on the floor at our feet. The evening made me stop and say Wow! to myself, because we are finally able to share our time and live deadline-free. It was wonderful.
I’m so glad your family can really relish your time together, especially with the new baby. Re-connecting with the terrific little people your children are (and getting to know their rhythms again) is a great thing.
I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. -MM
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Wonderful post.. My husband and I just had one of those rough days on Saturday with the boys.. we thought we would never ever make it through the day.. but then on Sunday morning we shook off the terrible memories of temper tandrums and ended up having a great day.. The holidays make even the tiny of stresses HUGE.. and thankfully one of us is always aware of that so that we have some sort of checks and balances in place..
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well said Chuck- as usual
Happy Happy hols to you and yrs- that new one is so gorgeous!!!! xoxoxo
you let me know when she starts teething and we will send you a teether from the shop!
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I’m betting that knowing ahead of time wouldn’t have changed a thing. It’s definitely something you have to experience. Kind of like people telling you that you won’t get much sleep after a baby comes. Until you live through it, you really have no idea.
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Finding this after returning to work about three weeks ago.
But it’s just me and the girls, so it’s kind of frustrating.
I am trying to make a conscious effort to leave the day behind me when I get the girls in the evening and prepare for our evening.
Some days it’s hard, but laughter or a hug is usually a good remedy for crankiness or overstimulation.
We don’t get these days back do we?
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