We try to teach our children right from wrong. Really we do. We also like to sit back and see what they are able to figure out on their own. This last is purely for the entertainment value.
Recently we were all moving from the living room into the kitchen when I saw, from the corner of my eye, our three year old grab something from the hands of her little sister. This was clearly one of those nip it in the bud opportunities so I sprang into action.
Dad: Why did you just take that from her? You know better than to grab things.
Girl: It’s mine
Dad: No it isn’t. That’s a toy you both play with. Now give it back to your sister and ask for it politely.
Girl: Very nicely hands the toy back to her sister and asks,
“may I play with the toy please?”
Little sister: MINE! and runs laughing in the other direction
My wife and I stood there quietly laughing and knowing, just knowing, that there was no other way this could have possibly turned out. Hope, foolish hope, means nothing to a head strong two year old that can see a comedic opening a mile away.
Good stuff!
I don’t know if I have just gotten a bit more Tao about it all, or if it’s just that with four kids not I have less energy for frequent intervention, but I seem to let scenes like these play themselves out naturally more and more.
I will sit back and let the kids try to work it out. Not easy when one of the participants in 20 months old, but as I watch I see the older kids usually do try to work it out with her.
Don’t get me wrong I still but in too much, I still impose my will when it seems clear that their wills are irreconcilable. Just lest often.
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PG – I definitely see your point. For me it’s easier to step in cause I simply don’t want to hear the whining that may result if I don’t. Whining is simply something I cannot tolerate. I also know the kids get into, and resolve, plenty of disagreements when I’m not there to step in.
My brother and I are still regulated like this, but now it’s our wives instead of our parents saying “give that back and ask nicely.” It doesn’t happen often, but it’s hillarious when it does!
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RobMonroe – Tha’s pretty funny. I sometimes get that treatment fromy my wife when my son and I start playfully going at it.
Well, that situation may not have had the storybook ending your older daughter would have liked, but you did your job. And got a laugh out of it.
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And therein lies the lesson. Sometimes these things don’t go how you’d like, and sometimes they can be pretty cute/funny.
My son Ty just learned how to say “mine” – it’s funny at first, but….we have to remind him that good boys share. Kids are funny though, and they do pay attention. Ty does say, “No pushing!” or “No banging!” Maybe we can get him to swap “mine” for “share” soon? Doubtful, but we’ll try.
uh huh – good luck with that one Jeremy.
It’s all in the timing of that punchline delivery, she has a big future!
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xBox – she does have a knack for delivery. I think it’s the same gift that allows her to occasionally find my very last nerve.
I, like PG, have started to sit back and see how these things play out. I don’t think it so much a Tao thing as it is utter defeat!
Ed – I find when I choose to let them play it out it has more to do with defeat and shear exhaustion more than anything else. Who is this Tao person anyway.
We’ve got a problem at the moment that our four ear old is just too nice to our 18 month old and will give him anything he asks for without question, even if it’s something she was eating or one of her toys. We worry this is going to spoil him.
We are in the weird possition of encouraging our children to fall out and fight over possessions
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“Little sister: MINE! and runs laughing in the other direction” – ha, priceless moment!
Growing up, my mother always had to buy two of everything, because there was nothing in this world that could make my younger brother and me share with each other! We’d always end up fighting, and of course, me being the bigger one, I always won.
The only thing we did share together was video games, but then we’d always fight over who got the “first” controller. 
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I think even when you add a 1 or maybe a 2 in front of those age digits, the same outcome would have occured… at least in my house. Too funny!
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I have a brother that is 6 years younger then I am. This was a very typical scenario when we were younger. I will be having a little girl in October and hopefully another child not too long (obviously more then 9-10 months later) after. I am sure I will have to deal with this kind of situations. Thanks for blogging and getting it out there now.
DaddyKV
http://www.justdaddys.net
Congrats on your October delivery! Thanks for commenting
Sounds exactly like life in my house.
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I just read somewhere that SHARING is not a concept 2-3yr olds understand. So they can be forgiven for not sharing their toys. But frankly in a “snatch” situation above, I’d probably had reacted the same as you did!
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