10 years down… 60 to go
Jun 14th, 2008 | By Chuck | Category: Heart Strings
Ten short years ago, on June 13th 1998, my wife and I wed. There were so many people back then that thought we wouldn’t make it. They figured she would wise up to the fact that she was marrying a guy six years her senior with two children and one divorce already clouding his vision.
I think many of them just figured we’d get divorced at some point, everyone was doing it. I really hope she was strongly discouraged from marrying to be honest because if she wasn’t and they believed we wouldn’t make it what does that say about them, but I digress.
My family life had been riddled with divorce from childhood and hers was no better. We talked about this quite a bit early on and even do today. We have always been conscious of breaking this generations old cycle from the beginning and this goal hasn’t changed.
These ten years haven’t been easy and I have no qualms in saying that lesser people would not have made it. This doesn’t necessarily mean we are better than anyone else but it does mean that together we can weather whatever is thrown at us. We have proven this to ourselves and others time and time again.
We both come from humble beginnings and recognize the fact that we have never asked anyone for anything (this is easier to do when people don’t offer you anything). We were not the kids getting new cars as graduation gifts or having school paid for by parents that could plan for the future. We’ve never been given grand gifts or had our home furnished by in-laws. We do it ourselves or it doesn’t get done. It takes a little longer, this road we walk, but we tend to find the road less ridden with potholes and when we look back the road is truly ours. No one else has taken up residence along the way.
To the contrary, we give as often as we can and in every circumstance we can. I’ll be the first to admit that most of this generosity comes from my wife. She has a heart that is as big and strong as anything you can imagine. She puts herself into some pretty undesirable situations just so she can help. She never says no, even when I ask her to. I, on the other hand, take a much harder line. I’m not about enabling people. I believe pain and loss builds character. While these things may not sound terrible, and possibly even logical to many of you, my core being would allow them to pass to a fault. This is where we balance one another the most I believe.
We didn’t do much to celebrate our anniversary, not compared to what tradition dictates. We simply spent the day together. We actually had two complete meals without children. We took a long walk in the woods while holding hands. We visited some art galleries and even bought a couple of pieces to hang in the house. We painted some pottery and thought about what the next ten years will bring. We didn’t exchange gifts. We rarely do.
This post could go on and on. It is best to end it by saying how much I still love my wife today and how this is so much more than the day we declared our love for one another (though I would not have though it possible to love her more back then). She is my better half. There is absolutely no doubt about that.
Maybe in another post I’ll share how these kids of ours have changed our life but for today it is about us, and only us.
This is the song we chose to play during our wedding ceremony. It is more true today than ever before.
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Happy anniversary! (I didn’t recognize you in that picture without the beard!)
Dans last blog post..Empty House
Thanks Dan! - I tend to prefer the beard myself, but the kids like me without it. In the summer months I let them win. I do live in Michigan which means I ultimately win as we slog through eight months of winter.
Nice.
I think there’s always a great sense of achievement to be had from looking back at how far you’vre come, gives you an extra push to continue.
Nice choice of track too, very apt.
(the pedant in me really wants to point out how Ms Twain has just split with her hubby though… ;0) )
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..A nation coming together…
Thanks Xbox. Yes, the irony of Ms. Twain’s situation is not lost on me. Unfortunate. I’m certain we will be reflecting on this same irony years and years from now.
Happy day to you both. Yr one amazing man and I am sure she is the same caliber as you. It is so refreshing to read about soul mates and positive things! Cheers to you both!
amys last blog post..All the things you treasure most/will be the hardest won
Thank you so much Amy. She is actually better than I and while that is probably the good husband thing to say it is true in this instance. She makes me better. I always enjoy hearing from you. You’re the best!
Happy anniversary! This was a really great post, and I would have been perfectly happy if you had gone on and on. Having a relationship like yours, there are never enough words to express all the joy and wonder that you have together. Your wife sounds like a truly wonderful woman.
I read it out loud to my wife as she makes pancakes… and she asked “60 to go? is that all? Then what?”
Toms last blog post..Happy Father’s Day!
Thanks Tom. Yes, she is a wonderful woman. Your wife is funny. When I penned that title I figured someone would poke a bit of fun at it. I’m glad it came from your household. Have a good week!
Happy Anniversary to both of you! Incidentally, the way you spent it sounds absolutely awesome. I’m coming up on my tenth as well, and you guys are an inspiration. Congrats.
matts last blog post..Happy Fathers Day, Dad!
Thanks Matt and congrats on your upcoming 10th! We truly enjoyed our day.
Ten–wow! You are my hero. That is an incredible milestone and worthy of a celebration. I love the way you chose to celebrate. But you’re a year behind–year nine is pottery. Ten is aluminum or tin.
Congratulations and Happy Anniversary.
Ed (zoesdad)s last blog post..Andy–Revisited. A Father’s Day Repost
Thanks Ed. I finally have a reason for wearing this cape all the time.
Is 9th really pottery… who knew.
In this age of disposable marriages it is always good to hear of the ones that do make it, and do try to make it. Too many people don’t realize that marriage isn’t perpetual “puppies, roses and fresh baked cookies”. Instead of being the final option, divorce is rapidly becoming the first option for most couple who hit a bump in the road. A truly bleak outlook for the sanctity, and permanence of marriage.
I like the pothole’d road analogy.
Happy Anniversary to you. I wish you both all the best.
Thanks Mike. I agree with you wholeheartedly. The best things in life are those you have to work for.
Congratulations. 10 Years is a milestone! My wife and I coming up on our 6th, and we have similar backgrounds to the two of you. It’s not easy to break that generational habit of divorce, so I’m happy for you two!
cory huffs last blog post..Man Blogging Going Mainstream
Thanks Cory. From reading your blog, I’ve high hopes that your marriage will be another success story. Congratulations on the upcoming 6th anniversary!
Too cool Chuck! My wife and I will be celebrating our 10th on the 27th… I know this usually dictates a BIG deal, but I think J-Mom and I will be celebrating in a similar way to you and your wife - low key and low cost to save up for something bigger in the future (at least that is the plan). Anyway…congratulations to you and your wife and here’s wishing you all the best in the next 60!
Dad of Divass last blog post..Manly Monday #6 - A Tribute to A Great Reporter and Devoted Father
Man Chuck, I can relate to your story. Very similar circumstances for me and my wife, and we just passed 9 years. People don’t doubt us anymore - they actually seem to respect and admire the bond we have. Sounds like you’re in the same boat. Congratulations!
Jeremy (Discovering Dad)s last blog post..Discovering Dad on Soapbox Radio
Happy Anniversay Chuck!! I have to share that I truly relate to your story.. I am the second wife. And coming with that title comes with so much negativity and baggage from friends and family. And even though we are only 4 years into our marriage, I know in my soul we have what it takes to make it.. Marriage is never easy, and sometimes it is not even fun.. but strip all the bad away and if your left with a solid glowing core.. I say you are well ahead of the game..
And having a quiet meal alone is heavenly isn’t it sometimes??
Kims last blog post..Things that make you go awwww..
Thanks Kim! Your points are dead on the mark and I’m sure my would agree, and that quiet meal? Yea, heavenly about describes it. I forgot what it was like to actually have an uninterrupted conversation with my wife. The waiter seemed to pick up on this and even left us alone most of the time. Sweet!
I adore this post. Marriage is not easy, but worth all the hard work!
Happy Anniversary to you and Mrs. Chuck! I wish you nothing but happiness, love, and –at least– five more decades spent together.
Now I’ll just say it: I wish that you guys were our friends. I KNOW that Michael and I would benefit from having friends like you guys.
Oh and … Michael is 5 years older than me; I think that a 5-7 year age difference is perfect!
Secret Agent Mamas last blog post..Project 365 (300/365)
Thanks so much SAM! I’ve often wished we could be friends with you and Michael too. I know it would be pretty fulfilling.
What a beautiful commentary on your wife and marriage.
Happy Anniversary to you both!
Aimies last blog post..Perfect End
Aimie, thanks so much for the kinds words! Don’t be a stranger.