Sometimes they call
May 8th, 2008 | By Chuck | Category: Heart Strings, Papa PrattleYou know, seventeen and a half years ago, when I signed up for this daddy gig, I never imagined being where I am today.
Moments after walking in the door this evening the phone rings and it’s my eldest son.
Son: “Dad, what’s up?”
Dad: “Not much, just walking in the door. What’s up with you?”
Son: “Well, I wanted to see what you’re doing Saturday night.”
Dad: “This weekend is pretty busy. What time are you talking about?”
Son: “6:30. It’s prom this weekend and I called to see if you wanted to take some pictures. We can just have some printed for you if you’re too busy.” -no sarcasm, just sincerity
Dad: “I’m pretty sure I can change around whatever might have been planned. Where do you need me to be?”
When I got off the phone my wife asked who it was and I couldn’t wait to fill her in. She was as excited about this opportunity as I was.
You see, we don’t hear from the boy often. He’s a big kid now and the weekend visits stopped long ago (around the time he got his drivers license, job and girlfriend). We miss him a lot but we also make sure to not push ourselves on him. This is when many years worth of being “the other” parent teaches one patience and restraint.
It’s funny though because the time we spend together now is usually because he initiated it. The occasional weekday dinners or half an hour texting sessions mean so damn much it just chokes me up. -no sarcasm, just sincerity
When you spend years picking up your kids at a court ordered time you begin to lose faith in the notion that those kids really want to be with you outside those times.
Thanks for the call son. I really needed that.
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That is really cool!
I dread the day my kids pick me second.
Ed (zoesdad)s last blog post..Because I Said I Would
I hear ya Ed. I hope you have a long, long time to wait.
You are an outstanding dad and friend to your kids, they know that they can count on you at any moment, don’t short change yourself. Keep up the good work!
Thanks Eric. Good to hear from you.
That is just so nice.
Congratulations on getting through to the ‘other side’ with them, not easy I imagine.
xbox4nappyrashs last blog post..A watched pot
Thanks xbox. It has proven to be challenging at times.
Wow. That is heartening to hear. To have your faith restored in such a way is like a sudden, brief blast of sunshine through a completely overcast sky. It reminds you that the warmth is still there and there is always hope of more sunshine later. I’m not looking forward to the day my oldest gets her driver’s license and starts making the choice to skip the weekend visits, but I know it’s coming.
Toms last blog post..Not Feelin’ The Love
Wonderfully phrased Tom. Thanks. It took me a long time to prepare for the weekend visits to stop only to find out it didn’t do any good and I wasn’t prepared at all. Hopefully you do a little better with it.
I got choked up reading it, too, Chuck.
I hope you show us a pic or two.
Hi SAM. I’m sure I’ll be sharing a pic or two. Thanks for stopping by.
Of course we’re not too busy to take prom pics, are you kidding? I’d be jumping up and down! Our kids don’t realize that we’d drop anything and everything if they asked us to be somewhere with them.
Hey, maybe he’s old enough now where you can ask him to go out for coffee.
I wonder if the “our” in your comment was the great collective (every parent in the world) our cause that sure is how I feel. He’s old enough to meet for coffee. It’s finding the time that’s hard.
Chuck, that is so awesome! Have lots of fun and take lots of pics. He loves you.
SWCs last blog post..To the Mothers in my Life XOXO
Thanks SWC! The excitement in your comment just ran right through me. So appreciated!
I can soooo relate to this. During her senior year in HS, I saw my daughter briefly in the mornings when she’s be getting ready for school and I’d fall asleep before she’d get home in the evening. I probably see her more now even though she’s five hours away at college. Enjoy whatever opportunities you have to do something cool like this with your kids… these events become much more rare in the rapidly approaching years.
Tara R.s last blog post..The good and bad of it…
I try and cherish every opportunity I get. Thanks Tara.
I dread this happening…with 2 girls both still quite young…I am not looking forward to te day when they stop saying tht they need me, or at least that they don’t need me as much as they have in the past… I know that it is a foregone conclusion that this will happen eventually, but I can still do whatever I can to hold on to the allusion of childhood - until I am forced to accept that our relationship has changed…
Chriss last blog post..One final Question
Hold onto it Chris. Double-knot it and don’t let it go.
Great post. Not too far past 17 (though now that I think about it, where the hell have those seven years gone??) and a dad of a six month old, I’m in the middle of your situation. I can remember being the 17 year old and can picture my son as the 17 year old.
*shakes head*
One thing that stuck out to me about your post:
It’s funny though because the time we spend together now is usually because he initiated it.
As a guy who was recently in your 17 year old’s position, just make sure that he knows that you DO want to spend time with him (not saying that he doesn’t, but just saying in general). He may want to spend more time with you than you think if you would initiate once in awhile (again, not saying you don’t, just in case you don’t because you don’t want to be pushy). Then again, he’s 17, so maybe not.
Great blog.
Jasons last blog post..Do Me a Favor
Thanks for stopping and commenting. Really. Thanks. I need to be reminded every so often of what you just pointed out. I really appreciate you taking the time to share it. Enjoy your weekend and have fun taking care of that little boy!
Don’t be a stranger
These things are hard to fathom when youngest is 10 mo. I need to hold on to this euphoria as long as possible.
Jamess last blog post..5th Fiddle
Thankfully you’ve got a long time to go. It passes too fast for sure. Make the most of it.
I was on the other side not too long ago. Okay, way too long ago. I should stop kidding myself, eh!
My dad refused to initiate communication. Not didn’t or couldn’t, outright just didn’t care. This is the reason that I still just don’t have any desire to spend time to talk with him. Even if your son is not available and calendars are hard to sync, make sure that he knows that you want to be there, whenever that is. Maybe set up a monthly, Saturday-morning breakfast. I’m sure he doesn’t have something on his calendar on a Saturday morning - he’s 17!
In the meantime, mine is 11 months old and I am dreading all of the “leave me alone” that I’m sure I will get at some point. Just. Plain. Dread. She’s just learned to give a good hug, and man does that feel good.
You’ll have to share at least one picture on the site!
RobMonroes last blog post..First *Real* Blood Draw
Ok Rob - That is really valuable insight coming from one whose been there. From this point forward I’m counting on you to help keep me honest. Cool?
Gosh, Chuck, that’s fantastic. I’m so happy for you (and for your son).
I’m sure it was a moment you’ll treasure.
Chuck, good for both of you! He looks fantastic, by the way. In fact, he may single-handedly bring back pink as a guy fashion statement!
I recently had a similarly warm-fuzzy-inducing conversation with our son. He gets to take a day off of school for a straight A’s report card last quarter, and when I suggested we might like to make plans for the day with another friend who earned the same reward, he told me he could do that anytime–he’d rather have a whole day that was just the two of us. They surprise you sometimes! ;>) Trust me, I’m storing up now for when he’s a teenager and too busy…Take care
Thank you very much Mrs. Mike! Yeah - the boy has decided pink is the new black, at least where he is concerned. I think he likes to try and get someone to comment to his 6′3″ 265 lb. frame that pink is for sissies. Hasn’t happened yet.
It is awesome that your boy decided to spend the day with just the two of you. What a welcome surprise!
He looks awesome!!!!! I think each of you can be proud of the part that you have played in his life. I love the PINK!!!! That is definetely an Aunt Libby thing!!!!!