Comments on: Spare the rod? http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/ Parenting from a Dad's eye view Sat, 17 Apr 2010 18:33:36 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Pearl http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/comment-page-1/#comment-2185 Pearl Thu, 06 Nov 2008 17:05:49 +0000 http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/#comment-2185 I raised my children planning to spank them when needed, but they just never seemed to need them. Maybe I was blessed with great children? I don't think that was it, even though they were great kids. Now they are grown with children of their own. We always used charts in our home. The charts would list chores for each child, and if there was a behavior problem, there was a chart for that too. The kids were always rewarded for doing chores and good behavior, and punished for poor behavior. The rewards and punishments were usually something that mattered to them, not usually monetary. They recieved or had taken away, depending on the case, tv time, play time, phone time. My children had to work for everthing they got, excluding gifts. When they were old enough, they bought their own first cars. They were happy children, and now happy, responsible adults. The key, I think, is to be consistent with your rewards and your punishments. <abbr><em>Pearls last blog post..<a href="http://www.printablechorecharts.org/xn/detail/2412725:BlogPost:249">Printable chore charts</a></abbr></em> I raised my children planning to spank them when needed, but they just never seemed to need them. Maybe I was blessed with great children? I don’t think that was it, even though they were great kids. Now they are grown with children of their own. We always used charts in our home. The charts would list chores for each child, and if there was a behavior problem, there was a chart for that too. The kids were always rewarded for doing chores and good behavior, and punished for poor behavior. The rewards and punishments were usually something that mattered to them, not usually monetary. They recieved or had taken away, depending on the case, tv time, play time, phone time. My children had to work for everthing they got, excluding gifts. When they were old enough, they bought their own first cars. They were happy children, and now happy, responsible adults. The key, I think, is to be consistent with your rewards and your punishments.

Pearls last blog post..Printable chore charts

]]> By: Chuck http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/comment-page-1/#comment-2056 Chuck Wed, 08 Oct 2008 01:10:11 +0000 http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/#comment-2056 <a href="#comment-2052">@TheOfficer</a> - Thanks for your contribution to this conversation. You make some excellent points. Good food for thought. @TheOfficer -
Thanks for your contribution to this conversation. You make some excellent points. Good food for thought.

]]> By: TheOfficer http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/comment-page-1/#comment-2052 TheOfficer Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:17:43 +0000 http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/#comment-2052 Very interesting thoughts... He are some of the things that crossed my mind while reading everyone's post. I think caning and spanking are different yet similar - depending on how you look at it. While differences in vanity seems to separate the two, they are very similar in that they inflict pain as a form of corrective punishment. However, consider this scenario: Let's say that my kid lied to me. Now, we all know that lying can get out of control and eventually get my kid in to much bigger trouble later on in life. Now, do I take his toys away? I don't know how many times I've heard him say, "I didn't like that thing anyways". He may act heart-broken, but do we really know? Honestly, I don't think he's been too heart broken most of the time. I don't think you would believe it if I told you how many things I've actually taken away and how much time he actually spends being grounded. It's bad enough that we don't have cable and there's only so much you can do. Do I mentor or try to counsel him? This takes time and would be the route that I would want to take all the time. However, this can be much too complicated to get right and I don't think I can afford to take any chances when considering the degree of certain crimes. Do I do other things: time-outs, etc? I've watched some of the "Nanny". That method takes time. In a perfect world, we all should have that much time. Think also in retrospect to the school system and society. Do we really want to take our chances when it comes down to the safety of our kids? Would you agree that spanking is a quickest and simplest form of punishment and gets results? What if a bigger kid comes in to the school system and slams your kid face first in to the wall? You can't control the fact that the other kids have bad parents. Expulsion seems to be the answer we have now, but you're not doing the kid any favors and they just become menaces to society. Some things to think about on caning: Have you ever lived in a society or been to a country that lacks sufficient resources? I would imagine that things could get pretty ugly. Of course, we've never really felt that in our society - maybe in some parts. What other answer would you have to restore order besides the use of fear (caning)? My conclusion: You can't completely rule out the rod, and the rod should be fitting to the household. Very interesting thoughts…

He are some of the things that crossed my mind while reading everyone’s post. I think caning and spanking are different yet similar – depending on how you look at it. While differences in vanity seems to separate the two, they are very similar in that they inflict pain as a form of corrective punishment.

However, consider this scenario:

Let’s say that my kid lied to me. Now, we all know that lying can get out of control and eventually get my kid in to much bigger trouble later on in life.

Now, do I take his toys away? I don’t know how many times I’ve heard him say, “I didn’t like that thing anyways”. He may act heart-broken, but do we really know? Honestly, I don’t think he’s been too heart broken most of the time. I don’t think you would believe it if I told you how many things I’ve actually taken away and how much time he actually spends being grounded. It’s bad enough that we don’t have cable and there’s only so much you can do.

Do I mentor or try to counsel him? This takes time and would be the route that I would want to take all the time. However, this can be much too complicated to get right and I don’t think I can afford to take any chances when considering the degree of certain crimes.

Do I do other things: time-outs, etc? I’ve watched some of the “Nanny”. That method takes time. In a perfect world, we all should have that much time.

Think also in retrospect to the school system and society. Do we really want to take our chances when it comes down to the safety of our kids?

Would you agree that spanking is a quickest and simplest form of punishment and gets results? What if a bigger kid comes in to the school system and slams your kid face first in to the wall? You can’t control the fact that the other kids have bad parents. Expulsion seems to be the answer we have now, but you’re not doing the kid any favors and they just become menaces to society.

Some things to think about on caning: Have you ever lived in a society or been to a country that lacks sufficient resources? I would imagine that things could get pretty ugly. Of course, we’ve never really felt that in our society – maybe in some parts. What other answer would you have to restore order besides the use of fear (caning)?

My conclusion: You can’t completely rule out the rod, and the rod should be fitting to the household.

]]> By: Mr Lady http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/comment-page-1/#comment-727 Mr Lady Sat, 01 Mar 2008 03:17:32 +0000 http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/#comment-727 I am a reluctant spanker. I actually got tagged for the world's most insane meme once about spanking, and wrote an entire post on it, which I will link you to and you can totally ignore if you'd like. http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2007/12/14/who-comes-up-with-these-things-anyway/ PS: I am tired of blog-hopping you, and think it is time to commence with stalking you up right. :) <em>Mr Lady's last blog post..<a href='http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2008/02/29/high-school-yearbook/'>Better than a fortune teller</a></em> I am a reluctant spanker. I actually got tagged for the world’s most insane meme once about spanking, and wrote an entire post on it, which I will link you to and you can totally ignore if you’d like.

http://www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com/2007/12/14/who-comes-up-with-these-things-anyway/

PS: I am tired of blog-hopping you, and think it is time to commence with stalking you up right. :)

Mr Lady’s last blog post..Better than a fortune teller

]]> By: Soapbox Mom http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/comment-page-1/#comment-706 Soapbox Mom Fri, 29 Feb 2008 04:17:32 +0000 http://www.disfordad.com/2008/02/15/spare-the-rod/#comment-706 No spanking here, either. Seems counter intuitive to me. I agree with XBox that "the thought of using ANY kind of implement genuinely makes me sad." Permissiveness, however, is also completely unacceptable. As the kids are getting older, it's fairly apparent (in the schools) who's been taught limits and who has none. Heck, just catch an episode of one of those Nanny 911 types of shows and you'll see the terrible consequences of permissiveness. Everybody ends up miserable. The method here worked beautifully for us: http://www.parentmagic.com/ It's basically a modified time out system. But, I agree whole heartedly with Chuck -- most of the time, we're the ones who need the time out (and take it). And I loved the way Chuck & XBox said, " 'As soon as they can communicate' is just about as right as it can get, and before they can communicate just isn’t fair." Removing privileges is effective, too. Great post and discussion! <em>Soapbox Mom's last blog post..<a href='http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/SoapboxMom/~3/243078274/'>What’s for Dinner? These Teeny Burger Bites are a Hit!</a></em> No spanking here, either. Seems counter intuitive to me. I agree with XBox that “the thought of using ANY kind of implement genuinely makes me sad.”

Permissiveness, however, is also completely unacceptable. As the kids are getting older, it’s fairly apparent (in the schools) who’s been taught limits and who has none. Heck, just catch an episode of one of those Nanny 911 types of shows and you’ll see the terrible consequences of permissiveness. Everybody ends up miserable.

The method here worked beautifully for us:
http://www.parentmagic.com/
It’s basically a modified time out system.

But, I agree whole heartedly with Chuck — most of the time, we’re the ones who need the time out (and take it).

And I loved the way Chuck & XBox said, ” ‘As soon as they can communicate’ is just about as right as it can get, and before they can communicate just isn’t fair.”

Removing privileges is effective, too.

Great post and discussion!

Soapbox Mom’s last blog post..What’s for Dinner? These Teeny Burger Bites are a Hit!

]]>