Daughter#2 is now a few days over 4 months old, and growing like a weed. She loves baths and people fawning over her. Her smile easily melts the hardest heart. ( my blog entry regarding her birth)

She does have her quirks, and none of them ladylike. She belches like a trucker, and her bottom rumbles frequently. This might be due to lactose intolerance, but I prefer to think of it as genetics. Because of her loud rumbling it is sometimes hard to tell if she is expelling gas, or pooping. The only way to be 100% certain is to physically peek in her diaper; A risky proposition on it’s own.

She has also taken to holding in her solids(and I use this term loosely) from 3-5 days, then lets it all out in one tremendous eruption. She has soiled, and stained, many an outfit and undergarment.

Bright Idea #1: I actually think that all baby undergarments(onsies) should be a Khaki or light mustard color. It would help to hide the stains that won’t wash off. I’ve tried using everything, including carpet cleaner, to no avail.

Bright Idea #2: I believe that diapers should have 2 systems of measure. Not only should they clearly indicate which size baby they fit, but they should also show how much poop they can hold before releasing their payload. Because of the little girl’s propensity to hold her “Mustard”, this would be a boon to me, and fathers like me, who like to push the limits of physics and good sense.

My wife and I drive in 2 different directions in the mornings. I take my son to school, while she drives the baby to the daycare. We recently switched routes, and kids, because she wanted to discuss things with my son’s teacher.

Everything was going well until I took my daughter in to her daycare and asked the day care lady (hereafter DCL) what the procedures were for dropping off the little one. She told me that my wife would lay the car seat down in the corner, pull the baby out and cuddle for about 5 minutes before handing her over and leaving the daycare tearfully. I went along with it…..until I pulled the baby out of the car seat. She had Biohazardous Material leaking out of her outfit’s leg cuffs, and her lower back was soaked. The car seat needed a good sanitizing as well. My wife and I lovingly refer to this as a “Blowout”. I looked at DCL in horror but she said she’d handle it. I kissed my baby on the top of the head (it was the only safe spot left) handed her over to DCL and promptly left. This scenario (blowout) was repeated several (2 or 3) times over the course of the week like clockwork. DCL was starting to look less and less enthused as I walked in the door in the mornings. The baby’s expulsions were getting more and more violent as the week wore on. By the end of the week the stuff was seeping from the back of her collar as I rushed the baby into the daycare. I would repeatedly, sheepishly tell DCL “She was clean when we left the house, and it’s only a 5 minute drive”. I don’t think she believed me.

The next week was back to normal. My wife was back to delivering baby, and I was back to delivering my son to school. When I got home from work that first night my wife laughingly told me that DCL said she liked it better when my wife brought the baby. I quickly replied “ME TOO!“