Snag some Hot Chocolate and cookies and get comfortable. This is going to be a long one.
Last year was my initiation into the world of Pinewood Derby Racing. I have waited all my life to be involved in this event. To me, Pinewood Derby is the embodiment of many things I hold dear in life, and it is a metaphor for everything that Scouts and Scouting should be – Craftsmanship, Sportsmanship, Camaraderie, Competitiveness, Honesty, Father/Son Togetherness and bonding and a host of other -ships’, -ness’ and -sty’s.
Craftsmanship and Father/Son Togetherness- you get to build something cool with your kid, and impart some of your knowledge and wisdom. How special is that?!
Sportsmanship and Competitiveness- The kids learn (or are supposed to) how to win and lose gracefully. Very important in my book.
Camaraderie and Togetherness - All the scouts get to participate in something meaningful to them and see something they all built in action. Very exciting.
Honesty – Ah, honesty. I purposefully saved you for last.
First let me explain the "all my life". I was a scout as a child, but scouts in some other countries don’t have Pinewood Derbies. I always read about it in books and always wanted to be able to participate. Having a scouting age son was my ticket to participating in this "sport" vicariously through him.
Rewind one year:
When my son and I finally got the block of wood I struggled with how much I should let him do. There was the danger of power tools to be mindful of, but there was also the little kid in me that wanted so badly to build this thing. The parent in me won out. I designed a cool way to add and remove weight and installed it in the block of wood (at this point I feared I may have done too much and stepped back), and I coached and helped my son in the art of preparing axles and wheels, and had him design the car body himself. I sat him beside me and had him cut the block in the band-saw until the trickier parts. Then he sanded and decorated the vehicle himself. I was proud of him for doing a good job on his first car, and in myself for not taking over the whole operation.
On the day of the race my jaw dropped. Over half the cars there were clearly "NOT" the work of children. And when I say "NOT" I mean these things were detailed, polished, works of art. Not even a 12 year old could have made any of these beauties. The fathers there were not even hiding the fact that they completely built their son’s car for them. I looked at my son’s car and cringed.
Heat after heat of 4 car races occurred, and finally it was time for my son’s race. My heart sank. I knew what was in store. His creation, which he crafted with his own hands, and he decorated with care, came in at one of the the slowest times of the race. He turned around and looked at me with tears in his eyes. I felt his pain. Luckily we had discussed winning and losing all week that week, and I asked him to recall everything we had discussed. He dried his eyes, went back to the race and cheered his friends on. The race went on.
I sat in the stands and seethed. I saw all these fathers congratulating their sons, then turning around and high five-ing each other on a job well done. They even taunted each other "I’ll get you next year". It seems I was one of the few naive, "uninitiated", dads who still let their son build his own car.
Here’s the kicker. There was also a race called the "Geezer’s Race" for parents to curb the vicarious behavior, build and race their own cars, and allow the kids to build their own vehicles. Some fathers built both cars, and in a weird twist one dad ran his son’s car in the geezer race, and the son ran the father’s as his own.
I couldn’t wait to get out of there. There were awards, upon awards. 1st place overall etc., 1st place in age group etc., 1st place in den etc., best looking, best design, etc., etc., etc. Some kids were called up numerous times, for numerous different awards. All the while my son clapped for them enthusiastically. I was so proud of him. Then his name was called. We all looked at each other in surprise. I held him back to make sure it was him they wanted. They called his name again. I sent him up to see what it was about. They announced that he got the "Good Sportsmanship Award".
My First thought: "Somebody saw me seething and decided they better do something". I’m not subtle when I seethe.
My Second thought: "Maybe in this gaggle of cub scouts and parents someone was actually paying attention to my son’s actions."
My Third thought, in response to the first thought: (and this one embarrasses me): "Screw them, he deserves it. He built his own car, which is more that I can say about all you jackasses."
Fast forward 1 year:
So, Back to honesty. Do I want a repeat of last years fiasco? Do I want to teach my son how to lose some more? Do I build his car for him and give him a fighting chance at feeling false pride in actually placing and winning a trophy? Do I sink to the levels that the other fathers have?
We take possession of his block of wood and wheels next week for the January 19, 2008 Pinewood Derby. I’ve got until then to figure this out.
I think you really already know the answer to that one. . .
It’s certainly hard to sit by and let the ‘competition’ take you both over, but the benefits of knowing how to conduct yourselves, and learning the lessons from it are far greater. I think you can both be very proud of one another.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Chillin’
Your son will look back at these experiences in later years and not remember the “winners of the race ” or even know where his own Pinewood Derby car is but, he will remember the (awesome) times spent with his Dad!!
@Xbox4NappyRash,
You are wise beyond your years. The ‘twinkles in your eye’ that are ‘yet to be’ have a good parent in the making. (Did that make any sense?)
@Aunt Beth,
I hope you’re right; in fact I know you’re right, but the realities of the present can be hard for an 8 year old to endure.
Thanks for commenting.
Yup you did right by letting your son do his own car. However, I would go about it a bit different this year. I would talk to your son and say, “What was better about those other cars that made them so fast?”
I guarantee it wasn’t the paint job or how it was decorated. I would explain to him the importance of the weight distibution, friction, etc, etc.
Make last year a learning experience. Give your son the tools and information to build the fastest car, and if he wants to build the fastest car, don;t do it for him, but guide him along.
If he just wants a square block of wood, four wheels, and fingerpainted decor. That is just fine too.
Jared’s last blog post..POLL RESULTS: How Much Do You Spend On Each Of Your Children At Christmas?
Ug, that’s a tough one, Mike. I feel for you, for sure. There’s nothing more annoying than parents that just can’t let their kids be kids. I still let my kids do their own school projects, with minimal help from me. They’re not the “coolest” in the class, and I even had a teacher comment once that maybe I should be more “involved”, but my kids get the pride that comes with creating on their own. Do what you have to do. Just do it WITH him…he’ll appreciate the time spent!
@Jared,
I’m walking into this thing with my eyes wide open this time. The unfairness of it all is not going to catch either of us by surprise this year.
It’s funny how something so simple as a child’s sporting event can really bring out the worst in some parents. I’ve seen parent brawls over bad referee calls in pee-wee football games. Not that this was anything as bad as that, but David vs. Goliath matchups really get me upset. I’m a Libra, and true to form, I am known for my penchant for balance and equality.
Thanks for your insight.
@Karen C.,
Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Dictatorial Dads and Smother Mothers – I know grownups who, I believe, had parents such as these. As kids they probably won awards because their parents did their projects for them, and now as adults they always have a sense of entitlement whether they deserve it or not.
Bravo to you for doing the right thing, Mike. I remember doing the cars and boats with my dad in Cub Scouts, and it was a good experience. The same thing happened with the parents doing the kids cars, and even though none of mine or my little brother’s cars, to my knowledge, won, I’m glad my dad did it the right way.
Stephen Shores’s last blog post..Book Help Desk
I don’t remember if I won races, but I remember the time I put into my cars.
I agree that last year is something to build on. A chance to talk about weight and design is a rare one when you are looking for practical application.
Do you have last years car? Maybe your goal is to make a car faster than last years, not necessarily to beat everyone else. Competition against himself. I am sure that the race folks would let you use the ramp either before or after the official races.
RobMonroe’s last blog post..Abby’s Half Birthday
@Stephen Shores,
Thank you Stephen. I’m glad to hear that your father’s decent morals didn’t leave you with bad memories. It gives me hope that my son will not think less of me when he matures.
Thanks.
@RobMonroe,
Good idea – racing against himself- it might be difficult to correct the problems on the new car right before the race however. I will give it a shot.
Thanks for the advice.
That comment just made my week Mike, I’m seriously chuffed!
)
(easily pleased I guess…
There’s a fine line between supportive and pushy, and with the best of intentions it’s not always easy to restrain yourself, I’d imagine. It’s only when you take a step back and look at what you’re doing can you sometimes see when you go too far, but it’s taking the time to or remembering to take that step back that’s always going to be the hard thing.
It is relatively easy to say all this from the outside, but I’m not foolish enough to believe I could be so cool about it if I was dealing with it first hand.
I envy, and don’t envy, you at the same time!
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Chillin’
@Xbox4NappyRash,
You’re welcome!
Agreed!
I know what you mean.
A Happy Christmas to everyone at D is for Dad.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Seven Days, Seven Nights
Oh the memories. I remember when my Dad used to supervise my brothers building the Derby Cars. Yes supervise. He of the brutal honesty, he watched, he’d guide, he’d give advice, but he’d be damned if he’d touch the sucker.
They never won, but they had fun and both my brothers learned valuable life lessons and shocker, so did I.
Thanks for the walk down memory lane
Rachel’s last blog post..Haiku Friday (my first)
@Rachel,
I’m glad to hear that the life lessons did not go to waste.
Regards.