Christmas is hard, lets go shopping.

Oh, sorry. I live with far too many girls and waves of Barbie nostalgia will sometimes break through.

We have finally decorated the house, inside and out, and collected all our children so we could hunt for the perfect Christmas tree. We typically like to get this stuff done the first weekend after Thanksgiving but it didn’t work out that way this year.

When your family is split by a divorce it can become really hard to continue with the traditions that have always been. Each year for the past twelve years or so my wife and I have looked for and found our Christmas tree with my oldest kids. Today these kids are sixteen and twelve respectively and do not live with us. My wife and I also have two small girls together that are three and a half and one and a half.

This year the three year old is really into the whole Christmas thing and her little sister is excited in a very cute way just because her big Sis is. The excitement of the little kids helps me remember the commitment we have made to the older kids, divorce and all.

Let me fill in some of the empty spaces here.

My mother and father were divorced when I was very young. I never knew my father. I’m good with this. In fact I have always thanked my father (in silence) for leaving and having an untraditional hand in how I look at being a dad. His absence made clear to me the father I wanted to be; simple as that.

My wife is also a product of divorce; although, she was able to maintain a relationship with her father even if it was somewhat distant for too long. Today they are very close and our girls adore their Grandpa.

This recipe could easily result in a pretty sad family unit. I know this because I have seen it in other families far too often. It seems more the rule than the exception and it just breaks my heart. I believe there are plenty of reasons why this happens, chief among them is selfishness. It is so much easier to fill yourself with pity and self loathing than to set those too human emotions, or states, aside and instead focus on the children and an evolved meaning of family.

Let me move back a few paragraphs.

The excitement of the little kids helps me remember the commitment we have made to the older kids, divorce and all.

This year we could have easily gone out the weekend after Thanksgiving and found a tree but it would have been without the oldest kids and this was unacceptable. While it would have allowed the youngest kids to get an early start on the magic of Christmas it would have shown them nothing of the joy that comes from doing this kind of activity with the whole family, nor would it have helped them understand that family should wait for one another, no matter how long it takes, and the reward will usually be a good one.

This is what I’m banking on and so far it has panned out each and every time.

So, from my family to yours, I sincerely hope Christmas and the entire holiday season is good to you and yours. We have all been doing this too long to believe it will be easy, but it can be good.

Right? Right!