Trick"ed" or Treat!
Nov 1st, 2007 | By Mike | Category: Mad Dad, Papa Prattle, Proud PapaMy son went trick or treating last night like most of the nation did. When he got back to Grandma’s (home base for Halloween), he and his cousins dumped their loot on the living room floor in neat little piles. They went on with the task of “trading goodies” like they’ve done every Halloween. I watched them for a couple of minutes , then proceeded to where the grownups were congregated and chit chatted with them for a bit.
After the grownups had dessert and people started packing up Pyrex dishes, the task of mobilizing the troops for the ride home began. Costumes were haphazardly tossed in crumpled brown paper bags, and the clutter slowly began to disappear. When I told my son to grab his pumpkin shaped treat bag I noticed there was barely any candies in it and I began questioning him as to the whereabouts of the rest of his stash. Before he could answer I looked at my nephew’s goodie bag and his was overflowing. I remembered them counting each of their spoils after they dumped their loot on the floor and there was only one candy’s difference between them. I knew exactly where all my son’s stuff had gone.
My infamous temper got the better of me, and soon the whole house heard me chewing both kids out for different reasons, and all the while my son kept saying it was OK and that these were all the candies he wanted. My wife came over to calm me down. With quick, violent, purposeful moves I gestured to my eyes with my pointer and index finger, then spun my wrist around and pointed my 2 fingers at my nephew, and said “I’m watching you!”, then went back to packing.
Since my wife and I drove 2 separate vehicles we split the kids up. She took my infant daughter, and I took my son. She whispered to me, “Go easy on him”, before she got in her car and drove off to the store to pick up some groceries before coming home.
As my son and I drove home I questioned him about what went on in the house and he explained matter-of-factly. “Dad, I gave my cousin some candy, hoping that he would want to give some back (reciprocate), but he just kept taking and taking. It’s OK though”, he said, “because I didn’t give away any of the candy I like”. I sat quietly, digesting what he was telling me. “Besides, candy is bad for me anyway, and I shouldn’t have that much of it, so I just kept the stuff I really wanted.” I explained to him that that is not how barter works, and I asked him why he told me things were OK in the house. “I didn’t want my cousin to get in trouble” he said.
I stared thoughtfully into the night as we drove home in silence the rest of the way. Defending and protecting someone who just hoodwinked you; What a concept!
We got home, and I had him take a shower to wash off the costume’s hair spray from his head. When he was done showering I cuddled with him on the couch as we watched the last bits of a TV show. I then kissed him goodnight, told him I loved him and was proud of him, then sent him off to bed.
He’s growing up, and fast. He might have gotten the “Trick” instead of the “Treat” this year, but I’ll be damned if I would have wanted it to have concluded any other way.
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November 1st, 2007 at 4:55 pm
I think it shows great insight from your son to give and not kick and scream when getting nothing in return.
Sounds like there’s a good soul in there. Be proud.
November 1st, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Your little guy was the bigger man that night. I know it’s tough to see your kid get rolled over like that, but in the bigger picture, he looked at it from the perspective of love and concern for his cousin. If it were some stranger who did that to him, then I’d worry, but in this case, you can rest assured that your son will always be down for those he cares about, and that’s a quality worth cultivating.
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:00 am
I hope my little man grows up to be like your son, and I hope I can reflect on the situation like you did.
November 2nd, 2007 at 6:16 am
@Xbox4NappyRash,
I am very proud him. He constantly surprises me.
Thank you.
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:19 am
@BusyDad,
You have no Idea how pissed off I was. I know kids can be gullible,
and that was the first thing that went through my mind, but I felt
much better about things on the ride home. This isn’t the first time
his good nature has been taken advantage of.
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:46 am
@Jared,
The only advice I can give:
Be consistent in you parenting, lead by example and don’t go back on your word. Just remember that each kid has their own temperament, so two kids from the same household could still have different reactions to the same parenting. Maybe I’m just lucky.
Thanks for the kind comments.
November 2nd, 2007 at 10:55 am
It’s my first time at your blog and I just had to comment. I grew up very much like your son. One of my close friends could have stabbed me with a fork and I would have apologized for bleeding on them… I really hope your son understands that you can stand up for yourself and still be a good, loyal friend. That doing one doesn’t negate the other.
I am still struggling to put this into practice at thirty and I must admit, I’ve been foolishly preyed upon by many vultures along the way.
November 2nd, 2007 at 12:22 pm
@AntiBarbie,
You and I must have been twins separated at birth.
My parents raised us kids to always “turn the other cheek”. I ran out of “cheeks” a long time ago. I’m trying to raise my kids to be kind hearted and tolerant, but at the same time confident enough to know that there are just some “friends” that you can do without in your life (I encourage this in your life as well). There are some kids that we don’t allow our son to associate with anymore because they cause problems for him.
Regards.
November 2nd, 2007 at 11:59 pm
One of my favorite cliches is, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” (Try to ignore the fact that George W. ruined it for everyone by misusing it.)
Your son was the image of forgiveness and tolerance that night. Now all you have to do is teach him to kick some nephew BUTT next time something like that goes down. (Tell him to aim for places that won’t leave visible marks.)
November 3rd, 2007 at 8:57 am
@Deb,
There’s a part of me that wants to teach him to defend himself, but there’s also a part of me that wants him to be diplomatic.
He’s got his mother’s compassion, and I don’t know if I want to taint that.
My oldest daughter inherited my “Yosemite Sam/Tazmanian Devil” temper, and because she lacks the guidance of a level headed parent where she lives she gets into a lot of scuffles. Besides, I think he’s got this whole *”Coward of the County” thing going on. I think he’ll be fine.
*Kenny Rogers song from 1980 - Guy takes guff from everybody, then eventually opens the biggest can of whoop-ass the town has ever seen, thereby garnering everybody’s respect (fear).
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:30 pm
I think he learned a valuable lesson that night, and he handled the situation well. You are a very lucky dad to have such a great kid!
November 4th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Thoughtful, sincere and honest…sounds like you’re raising him right.
November 4th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
You got it, brother! This day, this lesson, might have been for you as much as for the cousin. Thanks for sharing about your sweet boy. I have one of those as well and am often surprised by his perspective. Surprised and thankful.
November 4th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
@Avery, @Momo Fali,
Thank you!