Although my son has a great personality, and a heart of gold, he seems oblivious to the fact that he repeatedly does things to irritate people. His teachers have complained that he seems to march to the beat of his own drum, and no measure of cajoling, pressure and consequences seem to get him to follow simple rules until he is good and ready. Simple rules, or commands, like “Pencils down!”, are not heeded until he is done writing his last sentence, or completing the final touch of his drawing. This has landed him in hot water more than once.

I recently found an opportunity be be alone with my son. I took this opportunity, away from the distractions of life - TV, toys, chores, to bond and explain things a little bit.

The setup: We were at the edge of a lake on a calm day, readying our bait and tackle. I bent down, picked up a few stones from the lake’s edge, and tossed one stone in the placid water. Concentric rings immediately radiated from the point of impact and continued to ripple to the lake shore. I asked my son to observe the ripples and their effect on the placid water. I then tossed two stones, first one, followed by the other a few seconds later.

Sometimes kids need a visual representation to understand the message you are trying to convey. My son is the perfect example of a visual learner.

After watching the second stone enter the water my son looked at me quizzically.

The lesson begins:

“The first stone”, I explained to my son, “is the teacher, and the rings are any subject that she happens to be teaching. Understand?”

He nods.

“The lake is the classroom. The lily pads, Cat tails and Bulrushes are your classmates. Understand?”

“Yes!”, he say’s impatiently.

“The second stone is you.”

I let things sink in for a bit, and then went on to explain. “When I threw the first rock its rings reached far and wide.” A great representation of the “teacher’s lesson” reaching the students. When the second stone was thrown it’s ripples interfered, and canceled out the “lessons”. In fact some of the second stone’s ripples caused more violent movement among the lily pads. I explained that the second stone’s ripples wreaked havoc and the lily pads never got to experience the ripples from the first stone.

Example after example was doled out. Names of friends and classmates were given to the lily pads. He finally understood. I then went on to change the first stone’s name to mine and his mother’s, and the lake was life in general. I could see the gears in his head churning. “Making these little ripples not only affects you”, I said. “You can disrupt someone else’s day with your ripples; Sometimes, even their life.”

From time to time he acts up and I have to utter the words “Ripples in a pond!”. The difference, instead of me having to explain to him what he’s done wrong, I have him figure it out himself. He usually gets it.

Go ahead. Feel free to use it!