I have made many mistakes in my life and want my kids to learn “straight from the horse’s mouth” what not to do. I have shared some stories from my past and their dire consequences with my teenage daughter. At times I regret doing this because she throws these stories back in my face saying “You did it, why can’t I?”. There are things that I will probably keep from her forever because it seems she takes these anecdotes as personal challenges for her to best, rather than lessons to learn from. This hurts because I try to be as forthright and honest with her, or any of my kids, as is humanly possible.

I’ll be turning 40 in a couple of years, and if I look at the actuarial tables of people in my family I am at the midpoint of my life. I just want the mistakes in my past to stay my mistakes, and my mistakes only. Is that too much to ask? Is that a futile exercise? Life is too short to make the same mistake, generation, after generation, after generation. If there are any kids reading this,  don’t make the same mistakes your parents made, learn from them! If there are any parents reading this, ditto! You’ll never live long enough to make them all yourself.

My daughter is being raised by my ex-wife. Subsequently, she lives with a totally different set of values than ones I would have raised her with had she lived with me. My daughter gets a crash course on my values every time she comes to visit. Unfortunately, her mother is the one I made mistakes with so many years ago. We were/are from 2 different Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species and parenting styles. Don’t ask me why we ever got married, or even “hooked up” for that matter. Don’t misunderstand what I mean. My daughter was not a mistake. It took 6 years of marriage and planning for a baby before she came. She’s “The” only thing we did right together.

How do you show your child ”the way” when she is being brought up with values vastly different from your own? For those of you reading this blog for insight, I’m sorry; I still struggle with this after 15 years and am not an expert in these matters. I can’t tell you it gets easier either. Parenting is difficult enough without the added burden of 2 sets of rules, or values, to live by. Until I figure out a solution for this, I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing. Being there for the triumphs, and really being there for the falters.